Moving forward
The last six months have been a rollercoaster of emotions. Every day is a different emotion and a different argument, and that is exhausting. I've tried to remove myself from the situation and keep from boundaries. It's hard to always feel like the issue, despite knowing that you are not the problem.
After I had left that dinner, we all knew where we stood with each other. In March, Aary's brother had polo nationals, so Aary went back for 2 weeks. I decided that whenever Aary wanted to see his family, he would do that on his own. It hurt, especially because he's included in everything with my family, but it was for the best. That trip was filled with arguments, but Aary had established and held boundaries. Over the months, they'd try to push down his boundaries and manipulate him into thinking they were right. They involved both of the grandmothers, and that was truly the worst feeling ever. They had nothing to do with the situation and they ended up getting very hurt, and that was not by Aary or me.
We struggled with our relationship a lot during those months. Every single day, the communication we had was tested. We had to learn how to face every problem as a team and not as individuals. It was a lot of give and take on both sides, and man, it was not easy. If you're like me and you come from a broken family, you know how devastating this situation is. I had dreamed of having a positive father figure in my life and a family that didn't fight or betray each other. I was highly optimistic that Aary's family would fulfill what I had always wanted with my in-laws. Sometimes, life doesn't pan out the way you imagined, and that's okay. It's about adjusting to your situation and learning how to manage and grow yourself. Every emotion I have has been brought out by this situation, which has tested my self-strength. I am incredibly proud of Aary and me for having boundaries and breaking generational trauma, but that doesn't take away from all of the hurt.
Where we are at today is what you think it would be. Aary sees them often and they have a pretty okay relationship because of what has happened. I haven't seen or spoken to them in 6 months, and I have no plans to as of now. All I want is an apology, and I truly feel as though I deserve that. I was open and embraced their culture and traditions. I was always respectful and polite to them and others.
Most importantly, I love and care for their son like no one else. I'm hopeful that in the future they'll understand why I'm hurt and why I made the choices that I made, but for now, I am focused on my future with Aary. We plan on spending our lives together. Everything from marriage, kids, a house, and owning businesses together. Our goal is to have them involved with our future, but that timeline is up to them. I am grateful every single day that my family is so loving and accepting of Aary. It definitely helps our relationship to have them as our support group while we navigate the issues with his family.
I truly do feel like time heals everything. I know that they can see how happy and successful Aary and I are as a couple. When they are ready to be involved in our lives, we'll be open to that. For now, my focus is on helping others in my situation feel less alone. I was at my lowest a lot during all of this, and I felt so alone. As much as I hate to say it, this is a very common situation in intercultural relationships. It truly isn't fair to anyone going through this, but you are not alone. Being young and in this situation sucks, but remind yourself that you are not the issue. There are so many other factors that dictate the feelings they have towards you. There are so many loving and successful intercultural relationships, and Aary and I strive to be one.